


A Study in Night

by SegaBarrett



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Captivity, M/M, Season 5B
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 11:41:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4262043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SegaBarrett/pseuds/SegaBarrett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Todd experiments on Jesse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Study in Night

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Breaking Bad, and I make no money from this.
> 
> A/N: For a request on the Breaking Bad Kink Meme.

Jesse had never realized that dark like this existed. He wouldn’t have considered it in his wildest dreams, in fact. It was so dark that he couldn’t even see himself; for all that he knew, he had faded into nothingness and was only a ghost floating around the grate. Except when he cooked; only when he cooked. Then, he had to be able to see the equipment and so, there was light.

There was a sort of milky smell about him, and he was no longer sure whether it was coming from the place he had been imprisoned in or from himself. 

That was what he could smell most of, but he knew it was worse besides that. He hadn’t had a bath in weeks, and that had been a horrendous ordeal where Jack had gotten tired of having to smell him and had dunked him in an ice bath, probably hoping that he would die in there and save the rest of them the trouble of having to kill “the rat”.

Half the time Jesse wished that he could save them the trouble, too. He thought more than once about how he could do it himself, but images flashed in his head of him not succeeding and the group of them driving in a van to Brock’s new home…

He had to stay. He tried to tell himself that some days it wasn’t even that bad; he just walked around the lab and worked, on autopilot, coming up with perfect cook after perfect cook and thinking of other things. He had never dreamed how much he would wish he was back at home, any of his homes, watching the Discovery Channel and stuffing funions in his mouth, getting strangely excited because he’d seen a rabbit or a stray cat on his way home.

“Jesse!” a voice called, and Jesse’s head turned as if it was independent of the rest of his body, simply trained to respond when one of them called.

This time, not surprisingly, it was Todd. It was usually Todd, and Jesse was slowly seeing that the man had some kind of strange idea that he and Jesse were friends as opposed to a master and a slave. It made the whole thing a hundred times weirder, and it may have been worse than if Todd was just straight out mean to him. It was as if the cruelty was all in Jesse’s head, as if he had somehow simply misunderstood.

“Todd.” Jesse’s voice held nothing but acquiescence; there wasn’t really any other emotion to come out with, after all. He wasn’t going to do what Mr. White used to do and come out with some kind of crazy scheme to get himself out of this. He had tried that once, after all… and never again. Never again would he even entertain such a thought. The fallout from that moment of weakness would be haunting him for the rest of his tortured nights, as long as he lived.

“I think it’s time for a bath for you.” He said it in a way that bordered on sing-songy, and Jesse was promptly filled with the terrible vision of Todd caring for a puppy or even a child, happily skipping along even as he inevitably killed the poor creature by violence or neglect. 

Jesse didn’t say a word. He just closed his eyes for a moment and tried to consider any positives of this situation. At least he would finally be getting clean, not that he ever felt clean in this place. The dust always stuck to him. 

Todd reached out and started to lead Jesse by his chains, up through the ladder and back into the clubhouse. This was the only time that he ever went inside that place – other than the bathroom and the big main room he would spot as soon as he entered, he didn’t know how big the place was. 

He wondered whether they had actually put Mr. White’s money to any use or were just sitting on it waiting for the racial apocalypse or something equally Manson Family-like. Either way, Jesse wouldn’t ever get out. He knew that much; he’d given up all hope.

The tile in the bathroom was a weird, off-brown type of color, like someone had started to dye tile brown and then had lost effort somewhere in the process. The tub was white, at least it seemed like it was supposed to be – it was rusty at the edges with a big gaping hole in the caulk, so it was pretty hard to tell.

Todd began to run the water. Jesse could already tell that it was too hot – there was steam coming off of it. He wasn’t surprised – Todd didn’t know how to bath him without Jesse coming out looking like a lobster. But in a way, that was better than the alternative.

“Todd,” Jesse spoke up quietly. “Can we… wait?”

Todd blinked at him.

“For what?” the younger man asked, and Jesse was hit once again with how utterly clueless Todd could be. For as dumb as Mr. White had thought Jesse was, and how dumb Jesse had thought Badger and Skinny Pete were sometimes, Todd really took the cake. He acted like a person who needed the Cliff Notes on how to act like a human being but hadn’t bothered to look them up online.

Todd didn’t wait for Jesse to even reply to that before he picked him up and plopped him in the bath. Jesse let out a long hiss, his mouth hanging open, but maybe his nerve endings weren’t even responding anymore. Perhaps they had burnt them out. 

“Time to get clean.” Todd picked up a bar of soap and started lathering up Jesse’s back. Jesse’s skin was crawling, but he went slack. He was doing this for Brock. He was doing this so that they would get tired of him, maybe get bored of him. He knew they wouldn’t let him go, but maybe… just maybe… Brock would be safe. 

Jesse closed his eyes and he pictured Brock as he had last seen him. They had been playing video games and Jesse had been feeling so guilty, so bad, wanting to get out of this relationship because he knew, he knew… 

He knew that he would only bring them pain in the end. Just like it had been with Jane… 

He opened his eyes again. He didn’t want to think about her, didn’t want to think about what Mr. White had told him. Maybe it had been a lie. But if it was, didn’t that mean Jesse was still at fault? Or had he always been?

He was jerked out of all of his thoughts when Todd started to splash him with water, water that was still far too hot and burnt his skin every time that it rubbed up against him.

He winced, even as he commanded himself not to show weakness, not to him, not now.

“Now, c’mon Jesse,” Todd said in a soft, pandering sort of voice. “It’s no need to try and fight.” He spoke as if talking to a child who was getting a shot for his own good. 

“I don’t want it.” Jesse felt as if his voice was slurring, as if he was losing track of who he was, as he always tended to do these days. There were days that he woke up in the grate and just stared at the walls, trying to remember his own name. Still other days it came to him, but without context – he was Jesse Pinkman. But what was a Jesse Pinkman exactly, and what did it do? What did it mean? Did anyone care about it?

Todd would have Jesse believe that he cared about him, after all. 

“Now, that’s just what you’re saying. You don’t actually really mean it, so don’t you take that tone with me.”

Jesse wondered who Todd had learned to parrot these words from; they seemed so unnatural in his voice. Had it been his mother, or maybe Uncle Jack? To hear them talk, Uncle Jack had raised Todd from when he had been very young; maybe that was why the wiring in Todd’s brain seemed to be all wrong, like someone had plugged a bunch of cords in where they didn’t even fit, had forced them in and sanded everything down so there were sparks, sparks that could create some kind of epic electrical fire that would be blamed later for killing sleeping families.

“Todd,” Jesse pleaded desperately, “Maybe we could just wait.”

“Wait for what?” Todd asked, as if he honestly didn’t know and was curious to find out. As he did, he reached down and cupped Jesse’s balls in his hand, gripping them experimentally and giving them a little squeeze. It was like a kid playing doctor, and at that most unwelcome mental image Jesse gave a huge shudder that sent ripples through the bathwater. Todd, of course, misinterpreted this. “Did that feel good?” the blonde asked.

Jesse gulped. In a way, it had, and that disgusted him more than anything else. He was so messed up that his wiring was probably all wrong these days. If he’d actually been with someone he loved, he probably wouldn’t feel anything at all.

Maybe it meant that he was truly dead inside, now. Maybe it meant that Todd had taken him to a place where it was going to always be dark, always be night.

“Are you okay?” Todd asked, but it wasn’t as if he cared what the answer was. He didn’t understand what the answer was.

So Jesse nodded, because it didn’t matter.

“I’m fine.” His voice was far away, like he was trying to talk to him on a tin can tied to a string instead of right next to him.

Todd touched him again, stroked his hand up to his belly. 

“You feel warm when I touch you here,” he relayed. 

“Oh?” Jesse asked. He was dizzy. 

“Yeah. You’re all warm and tight. It’s interesting. I wonder why it’s like that.”

Jesse let out a soft murmur of defeat. He shut his eyes. 

“You can’t see me like that,” Todd told him. It was like a child complaining.

Jesse slowly opened his eyes, to find Todd staring directly at him, far too close. Jesse moved back, hitting his back against the wall.

“Todd,” he murmured, “Please. Too close.”

“How come?” Todd asked, “What’s wrong with being so close? I mean, we’ve been close before.”

Jesse started to shake, realizing that Todd was referring to those initial interrogations, and realizing that he must be looking back on them fondly, like they were some sort of fun bonding between friends or crazy frat party antics. He almost felt a little bad for the psycho.

“I don’t… I’m not good with being close to people,” Jesse stammered. Todd moved his hand up to cup Jesse’s ass. Jesse wasn’t sure why he was even bothering to try and explain this to Todd. It was like trying to teach Italian to a turtle; he just wasn’t going to understand, and Jesse was wasting his time and his breath. But still he continued. “Maybe… sometimes it can be good to get some distance. Sometimes people… don’t feel…” Jesse lurched forward as Todd’s finger slipped inside him. “Todd, ahhh… ow, that’s… that’s too…”

“Too what?”

“Too much.”

“You’ve never done this before?”

Jesse’s eyes slipped shut again, and he tried to wrack his memories for an answer. What part was Todd even looking for an answer to, anyway? Had he ever been in this specific situation before? No, thank God. Had he ever let someone put their hands there, their fingers there? He wanted to answer no, but a memory flew into his mind, one that he had closed off behind a sealed wall. 

The memory of he and Jane rolling around on a soft bedsheet before she’d whispered, “There’s something we should try.”

Then, it had felt so thrilling, so different. Her fingers had been so gentle, and she had kissed him on the cheek before sliding one inside, giggling playfully as she asked if it hurt.

He had told her that it didn’t. Nothing had hurt when Jane was around.

Jesse swallowed hard, shaking his head.

“No. Please… Be careful, Todd. Please.”

He was sucking in breath so hard that he was sure he would choke on it. 

Todd wiggled his finger, but at least he slowed down a little bit. Somehow, and it must have been by accident, he brushed against something inside.

“Ah!” Jesse called out.

Jesse shut his eyes, cursing himself immediately. The reaction to the touch had been pure pleasure, coursing through him. What the hell was that? Did his own body hate him now, too? Had it decided it was tired of getting tortured and had taken off to have a vacation in Malibu?

“Ooh,” Todd said curiously, “What’s that?”

“Nothing,” Jesse mumbled. His eyes felt glassy and he felt wobbly; it was good that he hadn’t been standing when he had been doing this. But then maybe he would have fallen over and mercifully hit his head. 

“No, you definitely, like… reacted to that. Does it feel good, when I did that?” He pushed Jesse’s button again, and Jesse jerked forward and gasped. 

He felt shame coursing through his body and he cried out. 

“Todd, please, don’t. Just leave me alone, okay?” Jesse shook his head back and forth. “Just let me get out. I’m clean now. Just let me get out and I’ll go back to cooking and we’ll…”

Todd didn’t respond and only pressed Jesse’s spot again. 

“Ah!” Jesse yelped, and part of him started begging for it. The best he had felt since he got here, the only second of pleasure. He was pleading for it and pleading against it at the same time. He hated himself for it. Why was Todd doing this to him? Why couldn’t he just keep beating him and have at it? Why did he have to be so twisted as to do this?

“So you like that,” Todd mused, and he pressed it again.

“Todd, let me…” Jesse stammered out. His tongue was moving back and forth. If he ever got out of here, he would always remember this. Could never forget this, no matter how much he scrubbed; hell, it would probably scar him from taking a bath ever again.

What would he do then, to get clean? 

He never would.

Jesse jerked forward and came hard with another yell.

Todd was standing over him.

“Hmm… That’s enough for today. But next time, we’ll learn more.” Jesse raised his eyes, and he was reminded of Data from Star Trek. Trying to learn how to be human.  
Jesse wondered if the longer he stayed here, the less human he might become.

He hoped so. Because right now, he was rubbed raw. He was clean, all right. Clean like the lab floor after they cleaned Victor off of it.

***

The next time Todd came to get him and told him he was going to take a bath, Jesse pleaded with him, tried to reason with him. He thought to himself, even as he did, that he should know better. Trying to reason with the man who shot Drew Sharp, the man who shot Andrea. The man to whom death was just another mechanical thing to do, like brushing his hair or tying his shoes. 

“Come on, Jess,” Todd told him as he picked him up and carried him. Jesse was too thin these days to resist. “It’ll be fun.”

Jesse shook his head, but didn’t bother to fight. If it was going to be anything, Jesse knew for sure that it was not going to be fun. 

Todd set Jesse down in the tub and ran the water. It was too cold, far too cold, and Jesse shivered as soon as he hit it.

“Yeah, sorry about that Jess,” Todd explained. “The hot water heater, well…” Todd ran a finger along his neck. Jesse shivered anew, realizing that Todd spoke of the death of the water heater with the same level of indifference as he spoke of Drew, or Schrader, or Andrea.

“You have millions of dollars,” Jesse reminded him, “Can’t you just call Home Depot or something and get a new one installed?” Maybe he could get Todd talking, maybe he could get him off on a tangent. That might help. That might save him. 

Jesse put his hands in the water and watched as they shriveled up. 

“Too cold,” he whispered.

“Yeah, we’re working on it,” Todd replied and gave an indulgent smile. “I mean… We’ll get one. It’s just, you know. People aren’t supposed to come out here.”

Jesse closed his eyes. They weren’t supposed to come here because of him. Because if someone caught a glimpse of him – or of all the barrels of money, for that matter – then they would be added to Jack’s ever-growing list of collateral damage. After a while, maybe even they were getting tired of the body count.

“Yeah,” Jesse whispered, “I know what you mean. Maybe one of you could learn how to install the things… Kinda sucks having to take cold showers all the time, doesn’t it?” He told himself if he could just keep talking… Maybe he could distract Todd from all of this. Wasn’t this what that man seemed to want sometimes – didn’t he want Jesse to be his friend? Whatever the hell that meant to Todd. 

Whatever it was, Jesse hoped that it was better than this. Burning in Hell would be better than this.

“It won’t be bad,” Todd urged him, “Remember before? You were looking like you felt really good, like you really liked it. So I think, I’m going to study you some more, and we’ll both have a real good time okay?” Todd smiled and Jesse shivered. 

“Study?” Jesse asked, reaching up to scratch hard at a spot on his ear, opening up a scab. “That’s not what it’s supposed to be, Todd. I mean, that’s not what it’s supposed to mean. When two people – when they want to get together, when they want to be with each other.” He was stammering now, falling over his tongue like he was tripping down the steps. “When they want to be each other… be with each other, I mean… They’re supposed to both want – it’s not all supposed to be one person.”

“So you want to be more involved?” Todd inquired.

“Yes – no! I mean – I just… I’m not ready for that.”

Jesse shut his eyes and tried to find a place, a safe place, a soft place. Back in his bed at home – hell, he’d been so mad at his parents but what the hell wouldn’t he do to be back there, to have his mother nagging at him and his father yelling at him? He’d wrap his arms around his mom and do anything for Jake that they asked him to. Maybe if he wished hard enough… Maybe if he wanted it enough, it would be truth.

Jesse let all the breath go out of him as he realized that arguing wasn’t going to do any good. All he could do was go limp and let it happen.

He closed his eyes and breathed in, gritted his teeth. 

Let the darkness overcome him again, and look for whatever light was at the end of the tunnel. 

Maybe that was it. Or maybe it was the next train, barreling towards him.

With Todd, he never really knew.


End file.
